Tonight I had dinner with two coworkers, one of whom commented that I tend to sit back, listen, and observe rather than talk.
It’s true.
In general, I am way more comfortable talking and sharing in an 1-1 setting. Whenever there are three or more people in a group, I immediately default to being in the background. This is a behavior or trait that I am still trying to understand.
A question I have for myself is: Can someone who loves and defaults to being in the background like me lead and influence others?
Certainly, yes!
Most of the time, instead of leading and influencing through words to a big group, I do it through actions with each individual person. I make sure everyone on the team feels supported and comfortable by texting everyone individually. I send appreciation through individual texts. I create systems and structures on Notion so that everyone can easily navigate and enhance their work.
I love being in the background and creating a strong support system for others.
This is my strength and natural talent.
However, I also think there is quite a fine line between staying in the background humbly and hiding in the background which is sometimes hard to tell.
And I am doing both.
Perhaps part of me might be avoiding my weakness – not being able to verbalize and share my thoughts and stories – by hiding in the background. I am not able to present myself in front of people, presenting who I am, how I think, and what I believe in, which then makes me want to crawl into my place in the back.
Is it because I don’t want to make myself look stupid in front of others? Is it because I don’t think my stories and thinking is THAT important? Is it because I haven’t practiced communicating through words enough?
I think there is a combination of all those three things. Yes, there is ego. Yes, there is a lack of confidence. Yes, there is a lack of communication skills.
But most importantly, I’ve realized that my natural talent can also be my biggest source of missed opportunities. Missed opportunities to meet people who think similar to me, find business or professional opportunities, or attract people who want to work with me. The list goes on.
My natural talent can push me into a comfortable zone of hiding in the background.
I need to learn to embrace this natural talent while stretching myself to step out of the background from time to time.
A good leader or manager is someone who is a reliable ‘background’ person but also someone who knows how to represent and speak up for themselves and others when it’s appropriate.
That’s who I aspire to become:) (easier said than done haha)